August 10th. The Day it Started and the Day it will End! (8)
I found out about my cyber stalker on August 10th when a business associate told me to search for my name online. So, I think it is only appropriate that this all ends on same day I found out, August 10th.
This is my last post regarding my stalker.
They did continue to send me things in the mail and post on twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr and numerous other sites. There were more prostitution sites with my name and pictures all over them and in one they gave advice on how to be a great prostitute. It was all the same things that they had done before but now I had very thick skin and often laughed at the tweets and posts.
Then one day, unexpectedly, an apology was posted on a Tumblr site and it all ended, almost 2 years after they started. I am not sure what happened. Maybe someone finally called them out, or maybe we had too many people investigating who it was, or just maybe their conscience caught up to them.
Either way it appeared to be over.
Should I be vengeful and full of hate? Probably, but the reality is I would never do to them what they did to me. My heart would never allow me to abuse another individual. They will now always have to live with what they did to me.
The truth is some days are still harder than others. There are still obstacles I face.
- Even with my longstanding professional reputation and experience in the oil and gas industry, the stalker did hurt my livelihood and the way I had to conduct business. I still must justify and explain to people I work with the truth of what has happened to me. I continually must disclose these truths before they search for my name and find the stalker’s fake posts and vitriol online.
- I have lost friends, family and business associates who couldn’t deal with what was being done to me; they feared this plague would impact them or their children. It was a plague by association.
- One night I did want to take my own life since I didn’t want to see anyone else hurt around me.
- I hated that I couldn’t control my thoughts and emotions as this was happening. I was continually in a fight or flight pattern.
- I felt weak and undesirable and I started to believe their words.
- On the days when I have a chance to slow down, I could still feel the effects of what they’ve done. “It’s only words!”. As much as I would love to believe words don’t hurt a person. These words hurt me and they had an impact on my emotional and physical health.
- Worst of all, I beat myself up worse than they did.
Through it all I worked hard to keep my sanity. I am finally back to 100% and strong than ever.
I have written this blog for many reasons.
- I want others who have had someone go after their reputation online know they are not alone.
- I want people to understand what has happened to me, so when they see the negative sites or posts, it doesn’t affect my family, friends, business colleagues or their businesses any more.
- I wanted a voice in this situation. I can finally live out loud and not as a victim.
I am finally at peace with my new place in the world. I have come to terms with the new scars that have come from this event in my life.
I love my life and the people who are in it more than ever. One bad apple is not going to ruin my basket or the way I choose to see the world. With my amazing friends and family at my side, I will always persevere.
I want to thank everyone who loved and supported me through this. Thank you to all my family and friends who stood by my side and heard me cry countless times (you all know who you are). A huge thank you goes to Joey Ortega, who spent numerous hours teaching me, analyzing data, and pursuing my stalker. It was because of your dedication I made it through some of the hardest times. You are an extraordinary individual. Thank you to all the cyber community who stood up for me and continues to stand against this behavior. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my blog.
The biggest thank you goes to my husband, Chris, who never gave up and who stood by my side through everything. In the end, Chris and I got the most honest and connected relationship. We were forced from the beginning to never hide one emotion or truth if we wanted to make it through it. We are both fighters. I love you Chris!
I have such gratitude and love for all of you. You are all amazing and remarkable humans!
This experience, in the end, has made me a better and more compassionate person.
I hope the individual(s) who did this to me have finally found some peace in their lives. They need more love and understanding since it takes a very dark and evil person to do this to another person.
If you or anyone you know has experienced online stalking, shaming or victimization, please feel free to contact me at
Peace, Love & Gratitude.
2 thoughts on “August 10th. The Day it Started and the Day it will End! (8)”
Thats awesome! I’m so very happy for you and Chris. Keep your chin up and realize that since you made it through this you can make it through anything. I’ll keep you guys in my thoughts. Yay!!
You go mermaid! Thank you for sharing your story it was raw and so very courageous. You’re amazing and I’m so happy that you’ve found closure. Much love